but felt that I was just either blindly following tutorials without really understand what I was doing
I feel so identified with this phrase, especially at the beginning, when I was starting out. Now that I'm starting to work on this field, I'm seeing little by little how to apply everything I've learned in tutorials and understanding little by little what I'm doing when I use some R packages, python,... I guess this feeling is more normal than I thought, especially when going from the theoretical stage (master's degree, tutorials,...) to starting to work on it and applying what I have learnt.
Thank you so much for your words!!
see also academia stackexchange : https://academia.stackexchange.com/search?q=imposter+syndrome
thank you for the link!